Mental health is such a tricky thing and after watching two disturbing videos yesterday, I lost control of mine.
The first video, about Anne Frank who hid from the Nazis in a secret room with her family for over two years. The other, about Elisa Lam who in 2013 disappeared and was later found drowned in the water tank of a Los Angeles hotel.
Here’s where my mind slipped: I decided that because I feel isolated like Anne, am manic-depressive like Elisa, I had to create a new ‘isolation’ diary, like Anne and it had to be online, like Elisa’s. Crazy, I know.
Later, in the evening it dawned on me that I should’ve known I was in trouble. That morning, I did what many with our disorder do: I enjoyed some online impulse shopping, spending money I didn’t have. Once back in my right mind, I returned everything and got most of what I spent back, but by then the damage was already done.
Anyway, about fifteen minutes after creating my new ‘online diary,’ I came to my senses, asking, “What in the fuck am I doing?”
It was as if I had suddenly awakened. I immediately deleted the damn thing, knowing I already had one that I could use.