The Three Envelopes

Mary had jus’ left for the store. I stood on the porch, waving at her as she drove away

In my hand was the mornings first cup of coffee, already half gone. Ahead of me, on the nearest side street came a woman neighbor.

She was dressed in a ground length goose down coat, the kind that have separate chambers meant to trap one’s body heat inside the garment. On her feet were what looked to be a pair of ‘knock-off’ Uggs and atop her head was a rose-pink shower towel, wrapped tight to keep her still wet hair from falling.

About five-five, maybe around 135 pounds, in her mid to late 30’s, I thought of her as a good looking woman. We had waved at one another on occasion and said hello, but that was about it.

As she rounded the corner, she saw me and gruffed, “Damn husband forgot to take the mail before heading to work this morning.”

With that she waved her right hand, displaying the three envelopes she was carrying. Nodding, I continued to watch as she stabbed each one in the slot with a methodical madness.

As she punched each envelop through the gap, her towel became more and more loose, till it was beginning to fall off. Still I watched as she yanked it free, bowed herself back and forth twice, flicking her hair forward and backward, then wrapped her dishwater-blonde tangle back in the towel.

She turned and saw me watching, “Well, that wasn’t very sexy, now was it?”

“Oh, contraire chère femme,” I smiled, lifting my cup high in salute. “It’s always sexy to watch a  woman flick her hair about before wrapping it up like that.”

She laughed and continued walking. Then she stopped mid-stride and turned almost perfectly across from me.

Before I knew what was happening, she flipped open her coat, exposing her fully naked self. All I could do was stupidly lift my coffee cup in salute to her and grin like an idiot.

And a quick as that, she was hiking back the way she had came.

Then I lifted my cup to my lips to take another gulp of coffee and found it had grown cold. It was time to go inside and heat it up.


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