Ugh or aargh? I cannot make up my mind which incoherent sound my life is more like right now. So many things have me by the short hairs that I find myself turning in tight circles.

First is the big thing, the worse thing, the so-called 500-pound gorilla in the room, which is actually a 16-year-old lab/chow mix who weighs about 50 pounds. Sadly, I’m tasked with the job of taking him to the vet one final time.

I hate it and I hate myself for the fact that I gotta do it.

All I keep thinking, aside from fucking 2020, is why me and why alone? SHIT!

This will happen on Monday. I cannot watch this good dog suffer anymore and I need to swallow hard and do what must be done.


Next, over the last three weeks I’ve had this recurring dream. A woman named Doris, who I went to high school with, and I run into each other outside an ancient building, perhaps a church or a very small castle.

While I don’t know were she is walking from, I am passing through a grove of pink and red roses.

It feels as if we are running from something and so to escape whatever or whoever it is, we go inside the large wood door. Once inside it is like walking down and down and down a never ending hallway.

There are open doors on either side of the wide expanse, but there is no light to see what is inside the rooms. However, we are left to feel as if there is something evil in each room and while we want to run away we are stuck in slow-motion and can only walk.

Through several nights and mornings, I have revisited this dream in full. Time after time We were never able to get to the end of this hallway and the door that we could see.

Then like that I stopped having the dream.

Three nights ago, I realized that this dream was no longer haunting my sleep. But I think that because I thought that, the damn thing returned – only she and I made it down the hall and through the door.

The doorway emptied into a bazaar or open market, with fruit, vegetables and all variety of colored clothe. As we stood examining a bolt of silk, a man dressed in the older 1940’s and 50s style of a French gendarme with his light-blue kepi and cape.

While I watch him enter and pass through the market, I notice that my friend Doris is doing everything she can to keep her face hidden from his eyes. But he sees her anyway and grabs her violently.

As the pair tussle, I stepped in and started kicking him in the head. And it is there, that I keep waking up.

Stress, that is all I can chalk this up too.

Finally, an admission of sorts as I need to get this off my chest:  Biden is about to be elected president.

There are too many things that happened between 2009 and 2017, and into today, that I could never have imagined — from a president and vice-president violating the law, a dishonest media lying and hiding the truth, that a so-called pandemic would lead to a single-minded and illegal nationwide ‘mail-in’ voting scam, and that half of this nation would condone absolute evil in pedophilia and corruption, simply to get rid of a man that they hate, but cannot explain why their hate.

So, is it ‘aargh,’ or ‘ugh?’ Maybe you in the waking world can answer my question.

1 thought on “Done

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