Having a tough time deciding which is more worrisome: taking my temperature or weighing myself.
same old moon but a new moon in our night sky tonight we reminisce about the old us and all things new
At a distance, he looked old, bent, off-balance. Up close, not much changed about him, save for what he hauled on his back: a metal lawn chair. It was loaded with a bed roll, a cooking pan and a canteen, that swung precariously from the left corner of the chair. He had fashioned a set … Continue reading So Very
Feds are importing beef from Namibia while American ranchers are having to destroy their herds.
If I got rid of everything made in China that is in my home, I wonder how naked would I be?
In order to create 'herd immunity' in sheep, they are brought together, not separated. To create 'herd immunity' in 'sheeple,' (sheep + people = sheeple) they must be separated for their 'own good.'
A Crowned Lady Parades sadly Through cities, Into hills, And valleys, Beyond the Southern Cross. She prays fervently And all I do is Touch my forehead, My stomach My shoulders. Up to down, Left and right, As if condemned. Perhaps I should Be more afraid But strangely I find myself calm Or the waking dead. … Continue reading If
I need a couple of new imaginary friends. My old ones are under quarantine.
"Jolene" + start singing "Chlorine, chlorine, chlorine, chloriiiiine... Please don't drink it just because you can."
It came to me as a high, whining sound, the kind of sound that only a dying jet engine can make as it falls to earth. I had jus’ stepped out of a business when I heard it, looked up and watched as a T-38 Talon trainer came rocketing vertically into the center of the … Continue reading Tacos, Tapatío and Terror
While trying to think outside of the box, I learned that I am the box.
There's never been a vaccine developed that can kill a virus -- not even for the common cold. Let that sink in...
An artist, that’s all Paul wanted to be ever since he could remember. All throughout school, kindergarten to twelfth grade, he turned out pieces of work, from paintings and drawings to sculptures, that ‘wowed’ everyone. That was over four decades ago, when they said he’d be the one to go places, setting the art world’s … Continue reading The Touch-up Artist
If you divide the year 2020 by five, you get 404, an error message, proving there is a glitch in the matrix.
Guess I scared a child today while at the hardware store. The boy, wearing a mask, was in the cart his mother was pushing when he looked at her and said, "That old man looks weird without a mask." Embarrassed, his masked mother shushed the kid and then apologized to me. I smiled and said, … Continue reading Outta the Mouth
It was a trip to the home improvement store that I didn’t want to make, but had to as I am changing out the light fixtures in our guest bathroom. After spending less than half an hour gathering what I needed, I proceeded to the cash resister. As I’m standing in line, a properly masked … Continue reading Box Store Bandida
It was a pink wall, a simple, plain, pink wall. On it a single spot, a dark brown stain from where I was sitting. As I sat there staring at it, I wanted terribly to get up, go over to it and clean it from the wall. It was such a perfect wall -- and … Continue reading The Pink Wall
Shhh! Let's not tell them not to inject disinfectants into their bodies. Let's give Darwin's theory a chance to work.
Return to the river, freedom of a forest, when but a child. What we need now that time long ago without a social media. That one time before we were all grown-up, forced to become old, waiting for our death. What we are now.
Mackenzie listened attentively to her Grandpa Zeb's scary story, this one complete with shadow puppets. Then, sooner than she liked, it was time for bed where she found it hard to fall asleep. Abruptly, a small inky figure scurried through her bedroom, along the far wall, illuminated by the full moon’s glow. Mackenzie screamed with … Continue reading Shadow Puppet
For those whose weddings have been canceled due to COVID-19, God has given you a second chance to reconsider.
All the world has become Las Vegas. Everyone's losing money, it's acceptable to drink at all hours and no one has any idea what time of day it is.
The one thing I never thought I would hear somebody say to me, "I like your mask!" I wasn't wearing one.
Being a trophy-husband is so effing exhausting!
Socialism, instituted peacefully, governs violently. Liberty, won violently, governs peaceably.
She simply ‘popped out’ of nowhere. Henry Wagner was so shocked, he was unable to speak at first. “You saw that, huh?” she asked. “Yes,” Henry answered, “And now you’re gonna microwave my brain or something, make me forget?” “No, that’s only in the movies. We never worry about someone seeing us because people are … Continue reading Time Zoned
When Jackson was a kid, he was going to save the world. He did know how, he didn’t know when, he jus’ knew that it was his destiny. Unfortunately, he couldn’t, didn’t save the world. Worse yet, he couldn’t even save himself. Jackson died yesterday, next to a dumpster in an unnamed ally, of old … Continue reading Pauper’s Heart
dead birds on the street blue whale beaches himself we are quarantined
"I don't wanna wear a mask when I go out," he said. "But you have to do it to protect other peoples lives," she retorted. "You mean like how you aborted your baby last year?" he asked. "Hey, my body, my choice," she screamed. "Exactly!" he snorted.
Really wanna feel invisible -- write what you believe to be a good story and post it everywhere -- then sit back and watch your work being randomly ignored. It's really that simple.
Wanna hear a COVID-19 joke? You probably won't get it.
It was 1979, early spring, and San Antonio, Texas was already dry, hot and dusty. I was 18-years-old, sweaty and on my own for the first time in my short life and the furthest I’d ever been from home after having joined the US Air Force. Somehow I’d managed to wrangle a weekend pass and … Continue reading All the Hard Days
Until this friggin' quarantine is over, I'm only telling inside jokes.
While flying around your home during this time of quarantine, social distancing and isolation, do not forget to log your correct destination prior to, during or following landing: Living Room --LVG Dining Room -- DNG Kitchen -- KTN Bath Room -- BTH Master Bedroom -- MBR Child's Bedroom -- CBR Guest Bedroom -- GBR Office … Continue reading New Quarantine Airport Codes
We're all movie stars, but an actor is the one that can do it well enough to become a politician.
Even for a Spring morning, the breeze carried an unusual chill across Nevada's Pyramid Lake. I was skipping a day of work to do some fishing. Whatever it was, it glinted, even under the water. Not certain of the depth, I decided to chance it and wade from the shoreline to see if I could … Continue reading The Thermos
With a quarantine being enforced, I've seen a number of wild animals running up and down my street from rabbits to squirrels and coyotes and Mustang horse, but the Morlock are jus' too much.
humor, humor everywhere and nothing worth laughing about
Anyone finding irony in the fact that Earth Day has to be celebrated indoors this year?
Acrylic and marker on canvass, 6 x 8 inches
For whatever reason, 'Top Side' delivered fifty pizzas to our 'in-country' platoon, all pepperoni and cheese. None of that mattered as it was different from the usual c-rats we were used to getting as a nightly fare, three times a day. All fifty pies disappeared within minutes of being served, save for a single slice, … Continue reading Slice
financial advisers told him that he needed to give up cup of daily latte due to quarantine he spent zero dollars at Starbucks for month and a half now he asks where is that dream house white picket fence he was promised
I want to be found essential before my death.
Though I'm not a fan of honey, I'm not allergic to it, nor am I allergic to a bee's sting, though I was stung more than a hundred times once. But I am allergic to the hive and it's droning ever on.
The sun wasn’t even up when a huge bang shuddered its way through the house and our dream-time. It was so loud and frightening that the dogs jumped from the bed and raced from the bedroom growling wildly. I awoke thinking, “What the hell – did a car jus' drive through our front room or … Continue reading Heaviness of Early Morning
Woke up un-sexy, again.
It's now recommended that we also wear blindfolds to prevent us ourselves from seeing what is really going on.
Acrylic and ink, 8 1/2 x 11
COVID-19 isn't Trump's fault, like Ebola wasn't Obama's fault and SARS wasn't Bushes and only a handful of Herpes cases were Clinton's fault.
Let's close down the media for 30 days and watch 80-percent of our problems, fears and political disassociations go away.
The un-concentration camp is the perfect concentration camp solution and they don't even have to sweat train schedules.
Free association writing time...again… The trail was supposed to be well marked with a series of red arrows pointing the way to the meeting area. But a rain storm caught up in a wind storm had blown many of the markers down or left them dangling haphazardly from the trees on which they’d been affixed. … Continue reading Pure Democracy
Nothing like hearing the gurgle of water as it drains from the coffee maker and then realizing you forgot to put the pot under the drip and not a drop to drink.
Saw on Twitter that Chaka Khan is trending, but couldn't figure why. So I googled her name. Lo and behold, she's still alive.
Obey 'social distancing' because facial recognition software doesn't work properly when people are too close to each other. COVID demands it!
The problem with all golf courses is the fact that they are a perfect waste of a gun range.
A lot of people are alive only because I shed too much hair to get away with murder.
Which one sold out faster? Bernie Sanders or toilet paper.
I can hardly wait for this COVID-19 stuff to be over, so I can go back to 'social distancing,' done my way.
Out of gratitude, and after being saved by a man, a savage she-wolf secretly turned into a human in order to become his loving wife. They lived happily for years without him ever knowing her secret. Then late one night, under a full moon, the man looked inside her dressing room only to discover her … Continue reading Not Your Grandpa’s Fairy Tale
Tell that someone you love jus' how much you love them and do it today because life is too short to wait. Also, scream it at them in German, because life is also very terrifying and saying it in German also sounds funny -- in a dirty-minded way.
If I were a betting man, and I'm not, I think most 'social isolating' men in the US are so hard up for current sports programming, that they'd watch foreign soccer matches, even if they didn't understand a word being said. Best bring on the beer and chips, if they do.
They keep saying, "You're locked down for your own safety," and all I keep thinking is, "So was Jeffery Epstein."
It’s that odd, quirky, out-of-step writer -- the one whose thought appears out of place, raw and real, unedited, uncorrected, imperfect, impure, poorly spelled, without proper grammar, but boldly written down and publicly shared, that fascinates me. And I like dogs, too.
It's been a couple of months since I've have a night-terror. Again, I was being violent in my sleep, being physically attacked by another person. I wish I were able to figure out why these occur like they do, why they disappeared for the while and why they've returned. My continued battle with insomnia is … Continue reading Night Terrors Return
The year was 1993, when now-convicted serial killer Samuel Little was preparing to head out of Las Vegas and back to Los Angeles, in his 1978 yellow Cadillac Eldorado. While still in Vegas, he says that he met a black woman near Owens and Jackson and later killed her. Little describes her as a thin, … Continue reading Las Vegas’ Lost Murder Victim
She followed her Grandpa into the woods behind his home. She’d never been allowed to go there, but at seven-years-old, she was a big girl now. He had told her the name of the forest as they stepped onto the trail that lead through the tall Redwoods, but it was so hard to say, she … Continue reading The Muscheyowok’ Forest Giants
I can't be the only person doing their best to avoid one of those bald spots a baby gets from laying around all day.
Thinking that a homemade clothe face mask is going to stop a virus is like believing your underwear will stop the smell of a fart.
Please pray for my wife. She's not sick or anything, she's jus' married to me.
Before there was Netflix's 'The Tiger King,' there was Cal Worthington and his dog, Spot.
If gas prices go any lower, the oil companies may have to start laying off members of Congress.
An old joke, reworked... A blonde teen, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. … Continue reading Handy-woman
This is not a recession -- it's a state government-imposed shutdown of the private sector.
Oddly, your fingers have tips, but your toes do not and yet you can tiptoe, but you can't tipfinger. Go figure.
fucking state unemployment system overwhelmed for fucking hours still finally i lost it whatever it was with no intention of getting it back it is what it fucking be
It's not uncommon for women to do their gardening naked. It dates back to the beginning of time.
“For several years a mockingbird perched in that large pine by our home,” she stated. “Have you ever seen it?” her friend interrupted, before adding, “We don’t have mockingbirds in this area.” “No, I’ve never seen it, but I know that it would mock our Labrador Retriever's bark, baying back at them throughout the evening,” … Continue reading Spirit Mimic
Being given papers in order to travel without interference from police is eerily reminiscent of events I only read about in history class.
Hugh Heffner became a multi-millionaire while sitting around his house, wearing pajamas. I'm not having the same results.
Last night, I went to the grocery store. When the cashier asked me how I was doing, I answered, "I'm doing great!" "And how about you, how are you doing?" I asked in return. He answered, and then following a minor pause thanked me for asking 'because so few people do.'
Another exercise in free association writing… With hot coffee and cup in hand I stepped out into the morning, moving from my front porch to the sidewalk. That’s where I sat down – mot jus’ anywhere, mind you – but right over the numbers that address my home. The sun warmed my back and I … Continue reading My Americana
As a kid, I'd hole up in my room a lot. Mom accused me of doing drugs, thinking that 'anti-social behavior' was a 'sign of drug abuse.' Not drugs, jus' a crazy family. It turned out to be great practice.
What if this effing COVID-19 spontaneously evolved because the Earth shifted 0.0000001 degrees closer to the sun, creating the perfect climate for a new organism to develop? Nice sci-fi story to write about perhaps...
I honestly don't like telling the truth -- and that's a big lie! Here's another, "Trump shut the nation down." The reality -- the honest truth -- is that any shutdown of businesses, et. al., has been done by the governor of your state and mine.
The top button of my blue jeans has begun social distancing itself from the button hole of the same jeans.
Last month was the first March without a school shooting in the US since 2002. That's because liberals have been afraid of a germ that can's shoot back
You think all the complaining about COVID-19 is bad now, jus' wait when this is all over and we have to return to work.
I'm a sure-footed and graceful gazelle, that one which trips, then tumbles over a twig in its path, leaving the chasing cheetah chuckling quickly to its lunch table.
why do we seek achievement as the main way to be worthy of respect and what is achievement and what is the real value in it each a question that must be answered internally
I was sad because I didn't have a mask, but then I saw a man without ears.
“Why in the hell do you make it sound like you’re a heavy drinker?" my wife asked, “When we both know that you’re not.” “Persona,” I answered, “Strictly persona.” “I don’t even know what that means,” she returned. “Well, persona means...” I began. “I know the definition,” she said in frustration, “I jus’ don’t get … Continue reading Waxing Whiskey
Two Los Angeles Times reporters are traveling throughout rural California, (including Crescent City, Del Norte County, where I grew up,) filing news stories about how people are dealing with COVID-19. So, imagine coming from a heavily populated area with a number of infected and deaths to small towns where they're not seeing the same numbers. … Continue reading Spreading More Than Yellow Journalism
CNN's Chris Cuomo says his battle with COVID-19 has made him realize that his show isn't "worth my time." This is proof of how slow 'Fredo,' really is, as most viewers figured out years ago that his show wasn't worth the time either.
NASA’s $1 billion Juno spacecraft completed its eleventh trip around the planet Jupiter, sending back a bunch of new pictures, and yet no one could maintain the camera in Jeffery Epstein's New York jail cell.
My wife has never allowed anyone, including me, especially me, to eat in her car, but since 'social distancing,' it has become our new lunchroom and sometimes even our favorite restaurant.
Remember, farting in a bubble bath does not add to either the foam or the aroma.
I can remember when we used to watch TV shows because we thought we might like them and not because there is nothing else on.
The longer this COVID-19 stuff continues the harder it will to return to normal. And by normal, I mean wearing pants and bras.
Lovely, the fake news services are at it again...this time Reuters. Posted on another social media site that a number of Martial Law activities were introduced to the US following 9/11 in the form of the so-called 'Patriot Act,' and not only remain in place, but continue to be built upon. It was pulled down … Continue reading It Doesn’t Mean What It Says
The COVID 19 generation is underway and will soon begin arriving in hospital wards jus' in time for Christmas.
By the Nevada government closing down all school's, where my wife took a job in food services, after retiring from the sandwich shop she worked at for 30 years, she's been forced to collect unemployment. But the effing system has been over-worked and on Friday they pulled it down to repair whatever the hell they … Continue reading A Fresh Kind of Hell
Today's word is 'shelter,' and is brought to you by Day 27 of 'Self-Isolation.'
“I don’t know why I let you talk me into this,” she complained, “It's nothing but bullshit.” “At least it got us out of the house after being locked up for so long,” her husband returned. “Yeah,” she continued, “But I’m not gonna buy into the idea that all this quarantine crap we jus’ went … Continue reading Cashless
In 2006, NASA downgraded Pluto, which is named for the Roman god of the underworld and judge of the dead, from a regular planet to a dwarf planet. Not to be a full-on conspiracy theorist -- but it kinda makes sense now why all this shit's happening.
Which is better? A picture worth a thousand words or a thousand words that create a picture.
Birds of pray are Angels by another name.
We're living in two Stephen King novels right now; The Dead Zone and The Stand. If a clown shows up though, I'm effing done.
Looks like deaths are down fifteen percent across the board in the US for March 2020 when compared to the previous average of the last four years. Guess 'self-isolation' does have something going for it, jus' not Liberty.
Nasty thought laid out as a question: what if the so-called COVID-19 vaccine turns out to be laced with nano-technology that reconfigures inside the body as an RFID chip? I hate needles anyway!
There is a fine line between love and hate -- and often I find myself at that between.
“...[W]e got them and shot them under Rule 303!" -- Lieutenant Harry ‘Breaker’ Moran
Not even 10 minutes ago I was falling asleep while reading, put down the book, turned off my light and BLAM-O, I’m wide awake, my single piston brain firing away for all it is worth. I have no idea what in the hell this is all about. So, I’m up writing and working on my … Continue reading Free Association Whiskey and Writing
Interesting that school districts have classified days missed as an “act of God” and they don’t have to be made up, yet God hasn’t been allowed in schools for years.
“I don’t believe having a baby is as painful as getting kicked in the nuts,” he stated emphatically. “Pig!” she countered, in anger, “How can you say such a thing?” “Women have babies, complain about the pain, but then turn around and have a second,” he explained, “I’ve never heard of a man in his … Continue reading The Pain
After all the stupid shit I've done in my life, if die because I touched my face, I'm going to be pissed!
I’m old enough to remember when you could tell the difference between the National Enquirer tabloid and mainstream media reporting.
Peter lived in the small town of Virginia City, Nevada all of his life. Therefore he knew the rules about Six-mile Canyon's short-cut. The first was the easiest to follow: don’t use the short-cut. The second and third were to be followed if it were to be used – not at night and never under … Continue reading The Finster Hollow Short-cut
Yes, I'm jus' being stupid. If you expected better from me, sorry. I'm bored shitless. It's my new motto. Bored shitless.
I'm tired of drinking water only -- and all day long, jus' to have my pee remain yellow. Also tired of my wife yelling at me, telling me to quit eating the finger paints. I already ran out of the body paints. When all the paints are gone, I'm gonna start on the Elmer's Glue.
My wife thinks I'm acting worse than a pre-teen me. And I have to agree with her on this one. Hell, I don't even care how this missive is received, jus' as long as I'm doing something besides staring at the ceiling fan. Fan -- short for fanatic and not fantastic! I'm old enough to … Continue reading Returning to Twelve
Soon everybody will be hiring again and people will be returning to work, except Colin Kaepernick.
It was the Sword he was To fall upon. After all, he Had done it Many times before. We expected nothing More from him. So when he Lifted it up, Leaning the sword Against his neck, Hanging his arms, Resting on it, We were not At all surprised. He was though, Having no idea How … Continue reading By the Sword
Decided to wear a mask in the house from now on. Not because of the virus, but to prevent eating.
Life had been a series of cheap, rundown hotel and motel rooms. Befitting a predator; pedophile, sex trafficker, pornographer, abuser, who never saw his own ending coming, face down, midway between the toilet and bed. Etiolated claws reach for him, ripped labrum stretching in a rictus of evil. The thing has his aspects, twisted into … Continue reading His Death
Asked my wife that when this 'self-isolation' stuff is over, could I take her out on a date. She said, 'Sure,' and gave me a fake phone number.
Can’t go fishing because of 'self-isolation,' but can go to grocery store and buy Tilapia raised in China.
Where most husbands created a ‘man-cave,’ Jasper Clarke had a study. It's here that he had been spending longer than normal hours, reading, writing, and in essence, studying everything he could about COVID-19. He thought it a wise use of his 'self-isolation' time. A self-directed courses in virology wasn’t his normal interest, as usually he’d … Continue reading The Outer-edges
Less than a month into socialism and Bernie bails out.
Shaving kit, check. Three pair of underwear, check. Three tee-shirts, check. Three pair of socks, check. One pair of pants, check. All the bare essentials one needs for a two day trip home in a single bag. Check. Seven that morning, check-in counter, 90-minutes before boarding: “I’m afraid there will be a fifty-dollar charge for … Continue reading Fight or Flight
While out flying a kite this afternoon, a guy actually asked me, "So you're flying a kite, huh?" "Nope," I answered, "Fishing for birds." He returned, "Catch anything yet?" I shit you not!
The time continuum does not really exist, never has; it is simply a science-fiction writer's construct. I learned this, this morning as I ran into myself coming out of a grocery store. I looked at me with as much surprise as I did when I recognized that stupid look on my face, that one that … Continue reading Inside Time
The patrol of guardsmen, dressed in their desert camouflage, is easing through the higher sagebrush, each with their M-4 Carbine held at the ready. Their eyes squint against the blazing sun, searching for their human prey, this one, who is in violation. While they makes almost no sound, their shifting movement give their positions away. … Continue reading One More Day
“Gotta cigarette by chance?” my new neighbor asks as he sit down on the sidewalk’s edge, a few feet from me. “Sorry, no I don’t,” I answer. “’Bout to have myself a nicotine fit if the wife doesn’t hurry up home soon.” I think about asking him if he has a beer, as a joke, … Continue reading Boredom
They called her An Ice Queen. Claimed she had No heart beat, Refused to bleed. But I watched As she menstruate Through the snow For their sake. Her sudden death Came very slowly.
“Before you is a box and key,” the tribunal inquisitor said to the newest ten initiates, “You’re to keep both with you at all times. Guard your box with your life. Do not unlock it, open it or even look in it. Those are your instructions. The Great Society shall see you again in 40 … Continue reading The Great Society Box
Their neighbor Kelly came over for a visit, something that was severely frowned on. It was the sixteenth day of a 40 day quarantine, where everyone was supposed to remain a certain distance from each other and to isolate in their homes, save for the trip to the store for the essentials. “Thought you said … Continue reading And on The Sixteenth Day
Quickly becoming my dogs. Get yelled at for getting too close to strangers, falling asleep on the couch at all hours, wandering pointlessly about the house both day and night, getting excited about car rides, constantly searching for food and staring out the windows.
I can remember when it was easier to get laid during the AIDS crisis than it is to talk to anyone during this COVID-19 epidemic.
He had slipped out with the intent to be gone through nightfall. He knew all the roving patrol schedules and found that he could avoid their detection in the early hours of the morning and evening. He crawled and slid his way across the open fields, between the many compounds, until he slipped into the … Continue reading Season of Quarantine
Dis bez Toms puppers...I's rehomin' my hooman, free to goods famelly, has paperz, likes long walkz, telbishon, sleepz, butt no liks chasen sqirls, barksen at pos-peples or pupperz takn hoomans for walkz.
The sea was at low tide and I could see the jut of rocks a quarter mile out, sticking up from the surface. It was these that I decided would make a good point to swim towards as I entered the chilled Pacific waves. Invigorated, I climbed from the water and found that my perch … Continue reading The Stranding
If my dogs could talk, they’d say, “And now you understand our boredom, it's why we chew shit up, Tom!”
“The Moon is in Cancer,” The horoscope read. No wonder it looks Sickly and pale Each full night After it has risen.
https://soundcloud.com/sierra-tom-darby/in-20200401 He knew that it had to be a spell. His mother could not be here and Brady shook his head hard to make the image shift into its real self. The thing then, whatever it was, shot straight into the morning sky and disappeared from sight. Suddenly others like it came running from over … Continue reading Imaginary Nevada: April 1, 1920