Deadly Biscuit Dough


As I walked through the grocery store I finally found where they keep the tubes of ready-to-bake biscuits. They were no where near the milk or butter, but way down beyond the eggs, near the yogurt.

As I stood looking over the vast selection, I was surprised by one of the tubes as it exploded. Startled as the end of the tin came flying at me, I jumped back, tripped and fell on my ass.

Unknown to me at the time, a lady shopping at the other end of the aisle heard the pop and witnessed me fall on my backside. She immediately raced for the front of the building to report an ‘active shooter.’

In the meantime, I stood up, looked around to see if anyone saw me get stupid, dusted myself off and proceeded to select a tube. Once at the checkout stand, I was forced to wait about an hour outside while the police searched for a ‘possible shooter,’ which put the store into a lock down situation.

After a while, one officer asked me to come with him to the main office. He showed me a video tape of myself hitting the floor. There was no denying the fact that the guy on the closed-circuit TV was me, so he asked and I explained what happened.

The majority of the cops present laughed, others sighed and the Sergeant grumbled impolitely as he left the office. Finally, with no ‘active shooter’ found, the all-clear was given and I was able to buy the biscuits for $2.29.

Now that I’m home, I’ve begun wondering if the dough is really trying to kill me or not, as I was jus’ laughing about the situation at the store and nearly choked on the bite of biscuit in my mouth.

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