I wish everything in life were as easy as getting fat.
The note reads: 'Go fuck yourself.' Damn, another do-it-yourself project.
After reading the Nevada State Equal Right Amendment or SJR8, and aside from the fact that it is being pushed last minute (three days left of the 2019 Nevada State Legislature as of this writing) without public input, Section 24 of the bill is the most concerning and reads: “Equality of rights under the law … Continue reading Questions Arise from Nevada’a ERA Bill
“Coffee!” my brain screamed, “I need coffee.” Generally, I don’t do Starbucks, but I couldn’t find a 7-11 or any other coffee shop nearby, so I told myself that it would have to do. “Yes, nothing fancy – straight black, the largest you got,” I told the barista before she asked my name. Since it … Continue reading The Devil’s Brew
They told me to follow my passion. I did. We got lost.
She wished her mother could come back to life. The daughter should have been clearer though; the deceased woman's screams from the urn in which her ashes rest is unnerving. Night times are the worst.
Watercolor and ink, 7 3/4 x 9 1/2
Former News Talk 780-KOH radio talk show host and 2005 Nevada Broadcast Association Hall of Fame inductee, Bill Manders passed away on May 27, 2019, (Memorial Day) at the age of only 68. He was born in Detroit, Michigan on December 22, 1950. Reflecting back, it was a very warm Memorial Day 2006 that I … Continue reading Bill Manders, 1950-2019
The blonde haired girl was sitting near the window of her tower and was about to close the shutters when she heard a sound below. Peeking out, she saw a young man free climbing the tower's stone wall. His skill was apparent as he found his way to the windows ledge in no time. As … Continue reading Rapunzel, Reimagined
'What if...' is the greatest beginning to a question the world will ever know.
Watercolor and ink, 8 x 11 1/2
We’ve been working on the displacement project for so long now, that it never occurred to any of us that we may have ruptured the world-line and captured ourselves in an endless and repetitive loop. That is until now...now...now...
With the increase in self-driving vehicles, it won't be long before there's a country song about how a man's truck jus' up and left him, taking his dog with it.
I think I've figured it out -- every time I lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit a damned thing.
Well damn it, I did it this time. I've gone done shot my mouth off. Now, I can't find my lips and I really need to reload.
Living in an apartment is a real pain in the ass. I mean how is a professional serial killer supposed to get rid of bodies with out getting caught? I used to know this super great real estate agent...but...well, you know how it goes.
“It’s said that ‘man cannot live by bread alone,’” he called out. In silence, he proceeded to gnaw at the stale gluten-filled crust, before adding, “If not wine, then how about a shot of whiskey?” Concrete walls echoed his refrain.
I bet clouds look down at us and say 'That one's shaped like an idiot!'
When did penguins start living in the desert? I never learned about this in school back in the day. And why doesn't Nevada have any?
The body made a relaxed thud as it toppled into the pre-dug hole following the echo of the single gunshot. It was then covered in loose dirt from the hole and disguised with flowers planted on top and each in a perfect row. The honey bees were never so happy that spring.
While saying prayers last night, the dogma ate my religion.
Irony is getting pregnant on a pull-out bed.
The suicidal man watched the bomber, with his explosive-laden vest and dead-mans switch, and sighed. “Hey, long time no see, my friend," he called out as he enveloped the astonished stranger in a long bear hug. The ensuing blast was a messy embrace that saved several lives.
She had memorized the poem, 'Footprints in the Sand,' before going to the beach that summer afternoon. And when she looked back, she saw nothing -- not even her own prints. That days sea had came with a wicked riptide.
The emptier the wagon, the greater the noise it makes.
I’m convinced Winter has won full-custody of Spring and we only get visitations every other weekend. I wanna see my Sun!
Though mentally drained and physically exhausted, I did not sleep well for the next few nights. I kept my gun close at hand as I tossed and turned between a few minutes of dozing and jumping awake. Charley-dog, on the other hand, slept peacefully at the foot of my bed. I tried desperately to copy … Continue reading Black Dog
God has a sense of humor. While He closed a window and opened a door for me, He forgot to tell me that I'd have to built my own steps.
It was Monday, August 8, 2005 when 64-year-old Nita Mayo traveled over Sonora Pass. Last seen at the Strawberry General Store near Pinecrest, California, the nurse didn't return to her job at Mt. Grant General Hospital, in Hawthorne, Nevada, the following day. Alarmed, her co-workers contacted the Mineral County, Nevada, Sheriff’s Office and reported her … Continue reading The Mystery Surrounding Donnell Vista
It breaks my heart to see an elderly person eating alone in a restaurant. Then I realized it was a mirror.
Wanted: Someone to feed me Cheetos so my fingers don't turn orange. No weirdos.
you are cute as hell but please stop stepping on my – ow those are my frigging nuts!
Pencil, 9 x 11 3/4
It’s called, “The Loneliest Highway in America.” U.S. Highway 50 runs from from Sacramento, California to Ocean City, Maryland, bisecting the state of Nevada, north from south. Early morning, perhaps one or there about, and I was finally leaving Baker, Nevada, where I’d been attending a cowboy poetry gathering. I’d thought about spending the night, … Continue reading Lonely Highway
While it's true that I cannot recall Mother ever singing or cooing me to sleep, nor do I remember ever seeing a spinning mobile above my crib, I can still hear the man in our upstairs attic and how he came down every once in a while to wander our night time hallways. His hands … Continue reading Upstairs
One morning, he woke up feeling different. He suddenly had large breasts and his penis was missing, in its place a gaping hole. Fucking extraterrestrials!
It was the fragrant smell of roses and it only took a moment to find that my bed was covered in the crimson red petals. There was also a candle on my dresser, lighting the message, “I love you and want to do something that will take your breath away.” I felt the air slip … Continue reading Rose Petals
She screamed at him because he was in jungle fatigues, loudly muttering, ‘I don’t want to remember all the faces of the people I’ve killed.’ He didn’t need to remember their faces; he woke every morning to their pale, rotting forms standing over his bed -- each riddled with holes from the gunfire shot through … Continue reading Holes
We headed to the outdoor shooting range 20 miles north of us. I noticed Bob was playing around with his prosthetic leg, a bonus from time spent in Afghanistan. “What wrong with it?” I asked. “I’m using my old one today and it’s uncomfortable,” he answered. “Wanna go back and switch out?” “Naw, it’ll be … Continue reading Shooting Lesson
“Sir, we have intel suggesting the enemy is preparing to strike.” “What kind of strike?” “Like nothing we’ve ever seen before.” “Get to the point – what are they planning?” “To strike.” “To strike what? Us?” “No. sir, themselves.” “I thought you said they were going to attack?” “No, sir. I said ‘strike.’” “That make’s … Continue reading Tariff War
"Can I touch your hair?" the little boy asked. Taken aback by the request the woman answered, "Sure." The little boy ran his finger over her upper lip.
Following my last colonoscopy, I asked the doctor to write a note to my wife telling her that my head was not up there.
The old folk in the village spoke of a fabled pill box on the backside of the mountain above their forest home. I told them I planned to explore the other side of their mountain and find it. “It would be best for you to seek your adventure elsewhere,” came each elders’ warning. Finally I … Continue reading Pill Box
A Democrat walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "What's your most popular drink?" "The Russian Collusion." "Okay, I'll have one." The bartender gives the Democrat an empty glass.
The liquor store clerk asked me if I needed help. I told her that I did -- but that I decided to come there instead.
It were as if my dog knew, don’t ask me how – he jus’ knew. His knowing at this moment wasn’t going to help me though as I sit in a jail cell waiting to be charged with murder and whatever else they could find to throw at me. Clowns outside of a circus or … Continue reading Y?
Fatigue; it's a Marines greatest enemy when on sentry duty. Hendry and I had the assignment; we sat in the farthest listening post from the forward operating base. Half-asleep, I heard Hendry ask in a near panicked tone, “What the fuck's that, Sarge?” Not known to swear very often, I popped awake at Hendry’s voice … Continue reading Picking Flowers
Her: "Why are you putting the U.S. flag out?" Him: "It a national holiday -- Mother's Day!" Her: "It's not a national holiday -- and I'm still not cooking you breakfast."
The Central Authority claimed it had all started that year. However Dom knew it had begun earlier than that — over 25 years before the deadly rioting of that year. Yes, Dom had been part of a movement to take control of the United States from Progressives. He had been vocal in his opposition to … Continue reading Eden Enforced, Part 2
As goes the TV commercial, so goes society.
Mayberry was so peaceful because only one man in town was married, and he stayed drunk.
I practice ‘rage yoga’ which involves swearing and drinking. Okay -- so I practice swearing and drinking.
At 74-years-old, Grandpa Bill was a man of very few words. One late afternoon, as we sat on his porch in silence, he produced a large cigar box, handing it to me. “Wanna to tell you ‘bout this,” he said, as he motioned for me to open the box. Inside was a neckerchief wrapped around … Continue reading Obsidian Door
The greatest joy of having a penis, is sharing it with someone who doesn't have one.
'A butt tuba,' spelled backwards is still 'a butt tuba.' Jus' saying.
For nearly 37-years, she was simply known as “Sheep’s Flat Jane Doe.” She was discovered shot to death by hikers near a trail close to Mount Rose Highway, in Washoe County, Nevada, on July 17, 1982. But now she has her given name back: Mary Silvani, born in Pontiac, Michigan, in 1948. After developing a … Continue reading Decades Old Murders in Northern Nevada and Eastern California Solved
My wife explaining why having a regular bed time is important: "It's not because you're tired, it's because you exhaust me."
She said she was working as stripper so she could feed her kids. You should've seen her face when I put seven cans of green beans on the stage.
If a man is always wrong and the woman always right, then the man tells the woman she's right, is he still wrong?
As we say here in the backwoods, “She was dressed to nines.” She had bought all sorts of glamour magazines to learn the fanciest dressing a woman could anywhere whether it be our little burg or the big city, which she hoped to visit soon. Once that big day came, she wrapped herself in in … Continue reading Fur Wrap
There's nothing like sitting by the campfire -- watching the evidence burn.
I used to dream of Camelot. Now, I dream of Cameltoe.
I bought the book, "The Joy of Cooking," because someone told me it was 'better than sex.' So, now what do I do with my "The Joy of Sex" book?
Dominic promised himself that he would not put up a fight or openly show fear. Instead he planned to walk to the “Ending Room” without hesitation. It was the waiting he had to admit that was the hardest. He knew this day was coming three months ago but he had no idea the final few … Continue reading Eden Enforced, Part 1
Some people create joy where ever they go, others create joy when ever they go.
When asked, 'What sign were you born under?' I always answer, 'A warning sign.'
Where we put our childhood memories and how they get buried, verses when they suddenly choose to reappear has always fascinated me. However, in some cases the memory that resurfaces is so much more interesting than the other. The trigger to this memories reemergence was a simple photograph of a rooster. (Told you some memories … Continue reading Playing Chicken
Sometimes I simply wanna put on my dog-tags and pretend I'm in my 20's again.
Writing an obituary is possibly the hardest tasks a grieving family has to face. Because of this, sometimes it gets set aside and may eventually be ignored until it seems that it no longer matters -- I mean the loved-one is gone and so what's the point, right? Well, the obituary isn't for the lost … Continue reading Dorothy Shields, 1961-2019
Wait a minute -- a starfishes mouth is at the center of their body and mermaids use starfish as bras. What sort of sneaky shit is this?
Our money doesn't buy a thing. It's our time that pays for it.
Our soul is more deeply buried in us than our spirit.
Jennifer Casper-Ross, then 30, used her friend’s cell phone to call her father in Las Vegas, Nevada, at around 5 am. She told him she wanted to come for visit, then she took a cab the Reno-Sparks Cab Company on Gentry Way in Reno, Nevada. In the early hours of that May 5, 2005 day, … Continue reading She Hopped the Fence
Grace is that tender kiss given in a cold world.
My wife said her ass is jus' right. She wouldn't trade me for anything in the world.
Honestly, I've not tried to write in a couple of days. The mind’s been an utter mess. What I did have is this stupid ditty that came out of the folds and fluids of my brain as I slept off a drunk. I have no idea what it means and no idea what can be … Continue reading Honestly Abandoned
I love horses and women. In my next life, I wanna come back as a rodeo queen's saddle.
The politically incorrect word of the day is 'Biden,' as in "Quit biden my ear and keep your grubby paws to yourself."
Never pass up the opportunity to pet a friendly dog.
Because of the family's desire to have very little made of her passing, I’m keeping my tribute to Dawn Bellatti Melton as short as possible... Dawn was born June 30, 1964 in Crescent City, California to Joanne and Stanley Bellatti. She passed away in Medford, Oregon, on April 28, 2019 at the age of 54. … Continue reading Dawn Bellatti Melton, 1964-2019
My dog, Roxy has a liver tumor. Whether benign or malignant, it is terminal. So sad, so drunk. My heart breaks...
“Steve's been taken to the hospital again. Please pray,” the Facebook posting stated two-days before he lost his battle for life. Such news is hard to absorb because for the majority of Del Norte County, California residents, current and past, Steve, his brother Rob and the Wakefield name have been a major factor in our … Continue reading Steve Wakefield, 1954-2019
God knew I would be too powerful if I could do math.
Lord, please don't let President Trump say that coffee is good. The Democrats will ban it and I'll die.
Leslie ‘Les’ Miller was born on September 3, 1962, in Crescent City, California. Raised in Crescent City all of his life, Les also passed away in Crescent City on April 9, 2019, at the age of 56. I’m still reeling from the shock. While I didn’t know Les very well back in the day, I … Continue reading Les Miller, 1962-2019