I can't afford a vacation, so I'm simply gonna drink until I don't know where I am.
The difference between law and justice is simple: the family dog bites a human and gets euthanized, but a police dog does the same and gets rewarded.
After days of walking, creating nighttime shelter out of my now-worn out plastic tarp, I was happy to see an old abandoned car in the raven to my right. The rain seemed to be never-ending, with lightning clawing across the sky and thunder booming both day and night. Once I realize that the windows were … Continue reading Shoe-box Ford
Eye drops are technically 'blinker fluid.'
If I had a dollar for every time I've been distracted -- I want a taco.
It’s the night-time that’s the worst. His mind refusing to take a rest as it works to develop stories worth telling. Even when he sleeps those few hours, his mind machinates, imagining, thinking what word should come next, how the story should flow and end. Then he wonders why he’s always so damned fatigued, mind and … Continue reading The Overworked Mind
Sadly a friend with whom I went to high school, lost her child to murder. My heartache left me thinking how there’s not a word for such a loss. After all, a wife becomes a widow, a husband a widower and children are known as orphans. But what of parents left behind? So I began … Continue reading Praeteritus Puer
After eating two full boxes of Alpha-Bits cereal, I'm expecting a rather large, but consonant vowel movement.
LinkedIn. Worst. Dating. App. Ever.
“Well, there’s my favorite disc jockey,” she said as she continued wiping down the bar. He laughed, “That’s why I keep coming back – you know how to feed my ego.” “You’re here awfully early, aren’t you?” “Yeah, wanna get a jump on licking my wounds.” “That don’t sound good.” “Maybe not, maybe it is … Continue reading Double Talking
If you're lost in the wilderness, start talking about politics -- someone will find you in order to start an argument.
They called him a ‘Luddite,’ because he shied away from power tools, preferring instead to maintain the older ways of the square, the handsaw, nails and hammer. For eight weeks straight, eight hours a day, he measured, he cut, he pounded – placing each nail with precise care. He’d heard their remarks, the teasing, the … Continue reading The Older Ways
What I wouldn't give for a day of drinking beer as an adult in the tree fort I built as a kid.
The little boy next door wanted to know why the snow was yellow. I told him that the sun is melting.
Papa John 3:16 -- "Thou shalt not wear high-heels if your feet look like pizza crust."
He’d been a purely dangerous man in earlier years, but a good woman and married life had settled him down. He raised cattle now and led packing strings through the Sierra passes for pay. She begged him to stay, but he refused, knowing the Basque herders had been cut-off from town by the consortium. And … Continue reading Their Bones
I thought 2019 was a Leap Year. That's what I get for jumping to conclusions.
Once that written word goes out into the world, it stops being all mine and becomes some of yours.
I used to think that 'tangled sheets' happen because of how I sleep, but then I did the laundry.
Silly Putty: How old folks used to steal memes.
She stood at her kitchen’s sink, staring out the window, across the open expanse towards the tree line far ahead, recalling how he promised he’d be back within the week. In her mind’s eye she could still see him leading the two mules into the wooded area along the worn path. It was a simple … Continue reading The Wait
Barbie sure has a lot of nice things for a doll whose knees don't bend.
The difference between fact or fiction is a drop of ink.
Busy morning on the 'stead... Went out, shoveled what snow we had on the drive and sidewalks only to have the major part of the forecasted storm that should have been here hours ago, hit. No sense in continuing to shovel as that's like using a coffee can to bail out the Titanic. Came inside, … Continue reading Seeing Red in a White Out
“Those god-damned Kachina Dolls are at it again,” G.I. Joe stated to the gathering of Green Army Men. He’d jus’ been updated by the clay-colored Cowboy’s, who’d been out in search of the red-colored Indians. The Indian’s had slipped off the ‘rez’ earlier in the morning, saying they were raiding a cupboard. However, instead of the cupboards, … Continue reading The Incident at Stool Leg
I used to think I was chilled Champagne in a fluted glass, but then I matured and realized that I'm actually warm piss in a plastic cup.
When I say, 'I'm going to go use the bathroom,' my dogs hear, 'Family meeting, assemble immediately.'
Happiness is hearing a mother refer to her child's corn-dog as a 'meat Twinkie.'
You don't have to be a writer to write -- after all you don't have to be a telephone operator to operate a telephone.
It was a burning sensation from Hell as I awoke from an exhausted sleep. I was so warm that I couldn’t climb inside my sleeping bag, so I simply rolled it out and laid down on it. The long days sun had drained me, and though terribly thirsty, I wasn’t the least bit interested in … Continue reading Getting Fat-faced
You don't have to be crazy to be my friend -- I'll train you.
Realize that while we're arguing about whether to protect our southern border or not, we've helped South Korea protect their border since 1953.
Slugs are jus' snails that have gone through a divorce.
For the past three weeks, I've been battling a very minor health crisis that has knocked me back on my 'tuck-and-roll.' Because of this I've been remiss on doing any 'real' writing, relying on the time-tested skill of doing as little a possible while I continue to recover. It has me thinking about two things … Continue reading Taking Time to Write
A number of airlines are offering the option of identifying one’s gender with the title of 'Mx.' Perhaps it stands for ‘mixed.’
The U.S. Navy -- kinda like Uber or Lyft -- but only for the Marines.
The Del Norte County Sheriff’s Office is asking for your help in locating a 32-year-old woman, who disappeared shortly after going to pick up a friend at a San Francisco, California hospital. Kimberly 'Cheri' Clifton-Madsen was last heard from February 1, 2019. Cheri is five-foot-nine-inches tall, weighs about 125 pounds, has shoulder length, blonde hair … Continue reading Pair from Crescent City Missing in Bay Area
I used to live on the cutting-edge. Discovered it to be dull.
At one time, we only had the back of the cereal box to read during breakfast, not our smartphones.
The weather was sunny and warm, perfect for a swim in the creek. But John could only sit and watch as the other children joined in. His bedroom overlooked their old swimming hole. It had been years since any of the neighborhood kids swam there. As he watched, John smiled, enjoying the sight of the youngsters … Continue reading Swan Dive
No one's ever finished the question, "What Would Jack Daniel..?"
Whose the idiot that keeps shaking the snow globe? Whoever you are, set it down, leave it alone and let us thaw out!
Democrats in Virginia are into burning yearbooks. They need to destroy evidence of any 'wrong doing' while attending high school or college.
It was a dark, but very clear night as the two of us stood alone on the tenement roof top. Bruce had very little to say as he was thinking. After three-months of marriage he was coming to regret his saying ‘I do.’ Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do for him, as this was … Continue reading The Newly Wed
Humor is the art of pointing out societies ills in such a way that even a Communist will laugh.
When you hear thunder, you think lightning, not Zebras.
Jesus says: 'Stay on path,' few listen; National Park Service says: 'Stay on path,' majority obeys.
I love people with 'potty mouths' as long as they aren't full of shit.
Prospecting in the winter is as tough as it is during the summer months. One simply exchanges a broiling heat for frigid temperatures, as I very well knew. The hill before me had a number of Pinion pine covering it and I wanted to see what might lay beyond it. While I didn’t expect much … Continue reading The Roped Coyote
Not all ideas are not gemstones; some are costume jewelry, but are jus' as useful.
Is anyone else having problems with adding blog sites to their WP reader? I am have a terrible time with the feature. Sometimes, I will add a site and it'll appear in my list of 'Blogs that I Follow," only to disappear when the site it refreshed or reloaded. And then every time I try to add … Continue reading Problems Adding Blogs to Reader
Being called 'lazy' is so demeaning -- I prefer 'selective participation.'
MAGA: Make Alexandria (Ocasio-Cortez) Go Away!
Minor flooding depends on what side of the creek you're standing.
At first I planned to create a fiction story about my experience (maybe later on I will) -- but then I realized, even as hard as it is to admit to my strangeness -- it might do someone, somewhere, some good in knowing... As a child I had a bunch of little quirks that made me … Continue reading Blue Glass
As often is the case, when towns become increasingly populated, the local cemetery is eventually relocated to make more room. One such cemetery, once found at the foot of 9th Street, in Crescent City, California, is now known as ‘Brother Jonathan Point’ and ‘Brother Jonathan Park.’ In 1949, local Kiwanis Club members took it upon themselves to … Continue reading Lost Coast: Crescent City’s Missing Dead
Reminder to self: never make snow-angels in a dog park.
Recently, a friend of mine lost his job at a small town newspaper after 28-and-a-half years of working for this organization. His 'firing' is a symptomatic of an even greater problem as technology, used simply for monetary gain, begins to replace human-skill in the newsroom. Many of the US’s ‘leading’ newsrooms are now using artificial … Continue reading The Rise of the News Bot
As I sit and type this, I do so while in pain. It began Friday even after going to bed; first a stabbing pain that came and went in a flash, followed by the need to sit on the toilet a couple of hours later. But since the pain had vanished, I thought nothing more about … Continue reading Flush with Pain
Watercolor and ink, 8 x 11 1/2.
Well worth the watch!
As I sat staring at my computer vacant screen, I caught a slight movement in the corner of my left eye. Looking over I saw my Action Figure G.I. Joe climbing up the side of the book-case towards my desk. A few seconds later, he made the perilless leap from the case towards my desk. … Continue reading Joe’s Latest Visit
People who confuse 'burro' with 'burrow' don't know their ass from a hole-in-the-ground.
True friends are the one's who'll laugh during your eulogy because they know how the story really happened.
The Communists took over and decided to execute their political rivals using the guillotine. The Constitutionalist came first. When the Executioner released the rope, the blade refused to budge. He declared it a miracle and let the prisoner walk free. Next came the Capitalist. When the Executioner released the rope, the blade moved only half … Continue reading When Being Helpful Isn’t
Watercolor and ink, 8 x 11 1/2
My high school U.S. history teacher, Mr. Costello assigned the class a report. I ended up doing mine on President Franklin Roosevelt. Evidently, Mr. Costello wasn't impressed with my artwork. He wrote over it, commenting on everything from content, to capitals, sentence structure and grammar. For three nights in the Spring of 1977, I banged out … Continue reading FDR Report Cover Page
While digging around in our attic, sorting out my camping gear, I discovered a shit-load of poems I wrote between September 2001 and February 2003. A lot of that time, I spent off the grid, running from myself and eventually addressing life's problems. There are at least 500 pages that I now need to deal with. … Continue reading Old Writings, New Discoveries and OMG!
Robbie Cheadle is the woman behind the website, 'Roberta Writes.' She recently penned a flash-fiction story titled, "Lavender not Forever," that I found kinda erotic, so added to it, only this time from the gardener's point of view... John watched as the woman, either mad with joy, anger, perhaps both, ripped her grandmother’s lavender plants … Continue reading The Gardener Came Today
UPDATE 3: Edward Culver Hughes IV was taken into custody by the Del Norte County sheriff's office following a three-hour stand-off on February 18, 2019. He is charged with homicide and bail has been set at $1 million. UPDATE 2: The Del Norte County Sheriff's office has identified the body as that of Emiley Tesch-Hughes. Her … Continue reading Missing Crescent City, California Woman Sought
Be fierce like a lion, strong like a bear, confident like the eagle and fart like a buffalo.
Watercolor and ink, 8 X 11 1/2
Making 'duck lips' at the camera is the real facecrime.
For days I’ve been searching everywhere I could think for my Hank Bauer baseball card. The reason I wanted it is because my blogging-friend GP Cox, who publishes, ‘Pacific Paratrooper,’ posted a story about the ballplayer turned manager. So why is this particular card so important to me? In a nutshell: Bauer is a Marine. … Continue reading Where the Hell is My Hank Bauer?
Instead of simply giving illegal aliens a Visa, lets give them an American Express, too.
Watercolor and ink, 8 x 11 1/2
Military face paint, keeping prejudice American's safe for nearly two-centuries.
Alfre Woodard could be heard over half a block away as she screamed at a house on Roberts Street, in Reno, Nevada, which is where the majority of the film crew, including stand-in’s, extras and walk-on’s, not involved directly with the current scene being shot. "Miss Sally Brown! Come on out here. I know you're … Continue reading Where the Black Dahlia Comes Close to Home
People in sleeping bags are the soft taco's of the bear world.
One man's cougar is another man's grandmother.
Bought myself a new book. It is the story of my life. Made of tiny pieces. Assembly's required.
Noah looked like an idiot, until it began raining.
Everyone told Beethoven that he couldn't be a musician because he was deaf. He didn't listen.
The two most dangerous places to be in the U.S. are in a law enforcement uniform and a woman's womb.
Adam Levine shows-off both nipples during his Superbowl performance and yet Janet Jackson only gets to expose one. Hypocrisy!
“So you've been reading Mother Goose, huh?” Grandpa asked. “Yup,” answered his eight-year-old grandson, “Though I don’t understand the one about the old lady living in a shoe with all those kids.” “What don’t you get?” “How she fit everybody in a shoe.” “Would it help if I told you the old lady was actually … Continue reading The Old Lady’s Shoe
Watercolor and ink, 8 x 11 1/2
Watercolor and ink, 8 x 11 1/2
I am a writer because I believe in me. Believe in yourself and soon others will too!
Watercolor and ink, 8 x 11 1/2
Alice watched as the white rabbit bounced through the garden, pausing in the grass. He looked at the watch in his paw. “Oh, my!” he exclaimed, “I’m late for a very important date!” Tucking the watch back where he had it, the rabbit hopped twice more before a pistol shot rang out. Alice ducked and … Continue reading That Pocket Watch
In summer of 2002, it was night-time and I was asleep on the ground. I rolled over and got stung below my right eye by an Arizona Bark Scorpion. My face swelled up and all that jazz. Once the swelling went away, I was left with a small bump that kind of looked like a pimple, … Continue reading Scorpion Stinger
It's easier to illegally get into the U.S. than it is to legally get into the Superbowl.
Tootsie Pops for Valentine's Day -- how do I love thee, let me count the ways...a one, a two, a three...CRUNCH...three.
What Would Charles Bukowski Do?
“How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?” came the happy refrain around Woodchuck Hollow. He tried to join in, but the sound left him in agony and with no cure for his self-imposed illness. Poor Harold Woodchuck had gone and done something stupid the night before and was paying … Continue reading Peer Pressure
Hello, I'm Saint Stupid -- the Patron Saint of Dumb-asses.
The first time my wife and I met eye-to-eye, I lied to her. Told her I was good-looking.
I used to have a lot of stress in my life -- but then I began calling it 'excitement.' I feel better now.
Gasping for breath while clutching the meat cleaver and continuing to crash head-long through the dense undergrowth, she ran for her young life. Her cape tattered, her breasts slashed and bloodied, she heard them -- but did not listen. “Stop! You’re the victim,” cried the deer. “Wait for the woodcutter to save you,” called the tree. … Continue reading When She Took Control
The U.S. Marine Corps -- spreading toxic masculinity around the globe since 1775.