Self-examination Versus Self-doubt

Once, I had a job selling educational programs to corporations for a non-profit organization. I was very good at my job, bringing net sales up from $150 dollars a month to over $30,000 dollars a month in less than nine months.

I also scheduled volunteers to teach these educational programs as well as taught them myself.

Next thing I realize I have a new director who comes in and reorganizes the entire department. I suddenly found myself spending more time cleaning classroom materials and doing data entry than selling, scheduling or teaching.

Net sales fell off rapidly and just as quickly I was blamed for the lack of revenue generation and discharged.

At first I was angry and hurt at how I was treated because deep down I knew it was not fair. A few days later that anger and hurt turned to self-doubt and I began to wonder what I had done wrong, causing myself to be fired.

My lack of self–esteem was kicking in. I moped around the house and then found myself another job and got on with life.

This has been a reoccurring pattern in my life. And I am just now starting to see that I am not the one that is always at fault.

Yes, there are times when I should back down or hold my tongue. There are times though when I am right and I must stand up for what I believe in.

My problem, I have discovered isn’t a lack of self-esteem.

It’s the practice of self-examination. I am continually re-examining everything I do and say. I don’t want to do and say things to be mean or hurtful. I want say them because they are truthful. Sometimes the truth hurts.

And yes, I do sleep very well at night next to beautiful woman.

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