Half the Show in Half the Time

As a rule I don’t spent very much time watching television sports. However, I will make an exception to the rule when big events such as the Olympics or Super bowl come on.

This time I decided to make a project out of it and write down a list of things I felt were off the mark from a broadcast and a sportsmanship standpoint. The head referee looked as nervous as a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs and it was only the coin toss.

Get that man some air before he tosses more than the coin!

Yes, the first half was dull, but it gave the players a chance to figure out the other team’s game. Football isn’t just a game of brute force anymore, you know.

You have to have a celebratory end-zone dance too.

Where was AOL Top Speed during the first twelve minutes? Probably still trying to buy a hot dog, beer and a pennant before finding a seat.

Okay, we all get it already! CBS is number one in every category — except knowing what its half-time show is all about. The multi-million dollar commercials were boring.

If beer can make a jackass into a Clydesdale, then why can ‘t Bud make me Wiser? And if beer is the number one drink of the NFL and I should drink it too, why were the team owners drinking bottled water?

The NFL Public Service Announcement where the members of defeated teams sang, “The Sun Will Come Up Tomorrow” was the best of the lot, but what were they promoting? Joining an NFL team?

Tried that once, nearly died after two plays. Joining the military was safer.

Someone needed to dress Dion Sanders. Whatever he was wearing made him look as hip as a newly divorced guy in a singles club.

Then there was Beyonce, dressed as if she were a Republican. Perhaps she wanted to look like all the business executives, who are about the only people who can afford a ticket these days.

Poor Jessica Simpson: First she asks her hubby if tuna really is chicken of the sea, then she’s given only one­ line to say, announcing the opening of the half-time show .

She looked like a member of some junior high school drill team. Worse yet, she was still talking when they cut her mic off.

The halftime show was missing that something extra. Ah yes, current hit music.

All I heard were bits and pieces of songs from older hits including one from Diana Ross used by Pee-Diddy-Pitifully­ Dull and Whoa-Nelly-You-So-Smelly, proving they have no originality.

Kid Rock made me want to throw up. He misused an American Flag, wearing it as a poncho and CBS didn’t cut away or distance themselves from that.

Then he tries to be ‘cowboy’ by wearing a cowboy hat . It takes more than a hat to be one.

Anything to sell a CD.

Not for one second did I believe that Ms. Jackson’s bareness was an accident. She was wearing a ‘breakaway top’ and the event occurred on cue to the words, “I want you naked.” Thank you for admitting to it and apologizing, Janet.

Now, if she can only get her brother Mike to do the same.

CBS said it wished to distance itself from the whole debacle. Okay, I could buy that however, I believe CBS is the parent organization of MTV. It’s pretty hard to distance yourself from yourself. That’s like separating oneself from ones shadow at noontime on a sunny day in Death Valley, can’t be done.

Personally, I like to root for the underdog and in the finally analysis it was the underdog that won. It was you and I.

We had the pleasure of watching a fine game from the comfort of our own home. We could use our own bathroom and raid the refrigerator at our leisure. Lastly, we had control of the remote.

Now if I could just remember who was playing and what the final score was.